If you have something to say, just spit it out. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [laughing] Good one, Myrtle! Steven Quincy Urkel: I wasn't the one who overslept, Ms. Rip Van Winslow. "What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, Harriette! Eddie: Man, I don't have time to study. Family Matters is an American sitcom series that originated on ABC from September 22, 1989 to May 9, 1997, before moving to CBS from September 19, 1997 to July 17, 1998. He's having the same discussion with his father. Clean up your room Edward. Laura Lee Winslow: Oh you're not a sorority, you're a bunch of vicious, stuck up barracudas with teased hair and push up bras. Okay, first question. Well let me tell you something sir, if that's the kind of boss you are. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'm not dreaming anymore. 7. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Allison, is that true? Carl Otis Winslow: After you left, I saw your boy Fresh Squeeze at the door. Steve Urkel: Well the good news is, my dad will do the operation for you. Laura Lee Winslow: [after Steve gives her a ring] This is real! Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Laura Lee Winslow: Does shag carpet also make you crazy? [stares at the racist cop] Black. Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? Eddie: I don't see what getting beat up is gonna prove. I tried to help you! Suppose I made it happen. I'm in big trouble! No. Stefan Urkelle: Oh no, I didn't shut off the machine on time. Waldo: Don't do it, Urkel! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh, no buts! "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. Ken: [Grabbing Steve by the collar] THAT FEEB YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT WAS ME! Steve Urkel: Well, actually, this is Eddie's story. Maxine: Ugh, what is this? We are properly trained. I love this lady [Laura] and I can come over here anytime I want to and you can't stop me! You know, I was exposed to this sort of thing when I was growing up, but I always hoped it would be different for my kids. Steve Urkel: Now, relax, Eddie. Richie Crawford: We're going to play with these toys for 30 days and return them, like Uncle Carl's going to do with his peanut helmet. Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Harriette Winslow: I know. Laura: She didn't need a hairstylist, she needs a fairy godmother! Carl Otis Winslow: I didn't bring my gun. Eddo. Steve is embarrassed that he didn't walk out the door faster. Read the card, read the card. Steve Urkel: You didn't even make it onto the chart! Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? The lovestruck genius of Steve Urkel. and-so-the-balance-shifts-blog. Carl Otis Winslow: Well yeah. Steve Urkel: I've invented nuclear batteries. Wha? Harriette Winslow: What's the matter, not feeling well? Take out the trash Edward, "Tomorrow Dad!" Laura: Doth thou love me? Carl = Son, you have disobeyed me for a woman? Estelle Winslow: Carl! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Steve, how did you get so good at checkers? Carl: This baby has a remote. She just slipped and I caught her. Steve pits eight guys against each other in the battle for the best pickup lines. Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. So, what's cookin', good lookin'? Pretty girl, dark hair your sister for God's sake! I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Rachel Crawford: Thanks Steve. Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. Carl, Eddie: [after Carl gets shocked from the electrical current] STEVE! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why don't you take the guy's next door? No. the signs as potential pick up lines from hamilton. I'm playing Boyd double or nothing. Harriette Winslow: And it would be nice if you would support me sometimes instead of hiding behind your napkin and caring what the other people think. Laura: Remember when you tried to teach me how to sew? You kissed me. Curtis: My whole family is flying out to Washington for the funeral, Laura: Can you wait a day, of course you can't. Would you reward me with a kiss? Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. You think it's cool to come to a prty with a mini bar in your coat. Harriette Winslow: Carl, you snuck into my card box and gave me a card that I already have. Steve Urkel: Edo, cheating is like wearing your grandmother's underpants. Steve Urkel: No, well, actually it's my Uncle Ernie's hearse. [poins to the part on Harriette's diary] Aha, it's over with me and Raoul. [Maxine laughs hysterically after she leaves the house]. Would you rather be buried or cremated? Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You paid him off. Carl Otis Winslow: Society places too much emphasis on being thin. I'm Stefan sweet thing. This is my mother. Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. And I just got the wax sucked out of my ears! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful. Let's just hope we can rub off on him before he rubs off on 3J. "Nubbles Sucks Face with Nerd!". Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. Well, actually it's Quincy, but you guys get the picture. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. Waldo: Thanks for helping me find the gym. You know that? Laura: Every time we order another course, you bring your chair closer. Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. Allison: Look, we're just having a little harmless fun. Ok, just give me a couple of days and I sould have it fixed. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong? Laura: But but, where'd you get that radioactive stuff? Why would somebody do this to me?' Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [sympathetically] Eddie, Carl was just about your age when he lost his dad. Steve Urkel: Calm down? Self respect. Alexandre Dumas was black. Laura: Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke! Chico! Why are you guys dressed like that? Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, now Harriette, that's a bit harsh. Harriette you're the one who said you're fat. I mean the guy's a feeb. Harriette Winslow: [feigns being touched] Oh, Carl this is beautiful. He is portrayed by Jaleel White. [Faces Eddie] Look at him, charming, handsome, popular. Waldo Faldo: Be careful he has another one. then removes his hand]. Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? Steve Urkel: The woman's been flirting with me. There's no justification for this behavior! [Notices no one is there anymore] Well, I thought it was a good story. Steve Urkel: But, I've been practicing and my progress is impressive, even if I do say so myself. Gosh I bet that's never happened before. [Goes to feel his head]. Steve Urkel: [Steve picks up the cord to the satelite dish] Sloppy, Sloppy, Sloppy! In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. Pick-up lines get a bad rap for being cheesy and cringe-worthy, but if you start your conversation with the right dose of interest and humor, you may end up scoring a date or a number. Steve Urkel: Really? Your father waited at the Box Office for an hour. People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me. I'm in college. There's lots of reasons why I don't love you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ok, you talked me into it. Rachel Crawford: How 'bout double the usual? Steve Urkel: Could. Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you! And it will also think of a range of mistakes, not just the standard fare of stats guys everywhere: the disastrous trade up. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Steve is clumsy and obsessive yet charismatic and likable. Steve Urkel: Come on everybody, let's ooh the durkel! Stefan Urquelle. Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? Judy Winslow: Brussels sprouts make me wanna puke. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? Steve Urkel: [as Waldo hands Steve a cup of the spiked punch] Why should I Laura, I'm the pife of the larty! I wanna show you something. Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures]. Judge Vance: All right, young man, call your first witness. All you'll hear from me is an occasional, 'Mmmhmm, that's right.'. Rachel Crawford: Good. It was right in your favorite spot. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll have you know, I'm not in Italy. That wasn't a rock video. Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? I mean, I'm a fast runner, Eddie, but sooner or later, you just gotta stop running. Steve Urkel: Well, I didn't have one. Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! You can stay. Steve Urkel: Yes! Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. At a party, once, he clamped cables to his earlobes and jump-started a Volkswagen. The black kids won't talk to the white kids, people are calling each other names, taking sides! College Problems Student Problems When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! We're having big fun here. [splashes Waldo with the spiked punch]. Laura: Steve, I can't talk now. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, when are we leaving? Did I do that? Shen I suggested it, her lovely eyes were momentarily clouded with nausea. Steve Urkel: What? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: over and over and over. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [after Steve, Eddie & Waldo sang 'My Girl'] Don't we remind you of The Temptations? With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. Laura Lee Winslow: What you did for me tonight was really special. I just caught her, that's all. No wonder you're my favorite grandchild. [He and his partner grabs Willie and Waldo]. So they picked up all out stuff and moved us again. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Weasel, you are the last person who should be giving me advice about girls. Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! Steve Urkel: Mmm, steak. Pick a general observation about her personality. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. ABC/Warner Bros Remember Steve Urkel? Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to scoop the ashes back into the urn] Lord, forgive me if I come up a foot short! Wha? Laura: What you did for me tonight was really special. [heads for the stairs - Carl grabs him by his suspenders] I almost got ya there, Carl. Laura: So, Myrtle, how long are you gonna be around? [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]. Waldo Faldo from Illinois. Rodney Beckett: I'm Rodney, but my friends call me Rod-meister. [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. Steve Urkel: And I'm Steve Urkel! In the 1991 episode, Steve Urkel was the cousin of D.J.'s friend Julie (Tasha Scott), who gives Stephanie Tanner (Jodie Sweetin) some valuable advice, after learning that she has to wear reading . Waldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? Cop: You two are going to juvenile hall until your parents pick you up. Laura: I do want a guy with something upstairs, but, uh, I also want a well-built staircase. Harriette Winslow: Oh, well it's nice to meet you, Curtis. So one day I decided to do something about it. Mango? Steve Urkel: [on the stage of the strip club] Stop the music! You think I'm fat. Eddie: Did Halle Berry return my phone call? This isn't right Weasel. Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! Steve is the perfect son. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: [is chased and hides behind a jock] Hold me back, hold me back. Ms. Steuben: Steve, it's not a good sign when you have to give your bread a pep talk. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number? Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Isn't that sad? What do you use to get weighed, a postage scale? Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back. You understand? Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room. I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. Carl Otis Winslow: That's right, that petition was a great idea. Because, I already told him I do remember him. Remember you wished that Steve could find out what's it like to be you. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Bye. Ms. Steuben: I know, Steven. Your dad's runnin' late. Harriette Winslow: Yeah. Steve Urkel: Of course. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! Clarence has under control. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll show him. It's just for the family Steve stop begging. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. [leaves]. 1. This causes Steve, Waldo and Weasel to leave and Eddie laughs nervously]. [He leaves and minutes later Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his accordion]. And I don't get many calls! That one friend who says going to gym will solve everything. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I'm missing the parade. Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna trash Urkel's locker! Laura: You know, I shouldn't be mingling with the opposition, but I just wanted to tell you how handsome you look under fluorescent lighting. [laughs]. Will you marry me? Carl: You know, bowling was a great idea. Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. Clarence: [walking into the Winslow house] Well if it ain't the Partridge family. Oh, good. Hey, you could be making this whole thing up! He's half-Nerd, Half-Carl. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned! Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? My daughter's been hurt and I can't do a thing about it. Every time I ask her about it, she just cries and takes another Rolaid. Willie Fuffner: [sigh] That's different. Jaleel White, the actor best known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom Family Matters, has launched his own cannabis brand - on the day enthusiasts around the globe enjoy a toke. Carl: Stefan, you gotta help me. Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us just a minute. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Look, Steve. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. Waldo: I got close once. "I heard you are looking for a stud. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: We took in $2,000 dad and we want you to have it. Anybody have more punch? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Bright side? Aunt Oona: The gas pipe broke when my living room flooded. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? Carl: Typical. Steve Urkel: You know what, Laura? Not when it's swirling around a porcelain tank. Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. Stefan Urquelle: Steve, what's up with your cousin? Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. Carl Otis Winslow: I do not care what other people think. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Oh man I didn't think you were this cool. Easy Eddo. Their own version of the 3 R's? Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again. Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. [Notices Maxine & Laura left the living room] Well, I thought it was a good story. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. We all stand nice and quiet until Gramps and Granny make it legal. Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? Is that the problem? Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". Verbs are our friends. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: My uncle, Elijah Urkel, has been struck by lightning four times. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? What do you get when you multiply a negative by a negative? She lived a long and full life. Laura: By being born first. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: Fuffner, I've heard of some low things in my time, but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me is plain dispicable. Carl Otis Winslow: All right. I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. Laura: For the last time, Steve. I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. How about the next round we switch colors? You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. Doo da doo da. All these people think the party is tonight. She xeroxed it over and over and over and over and [Steve covers his mouth for one second. Willie Fuffner: Because, he humiliated me! Rachel Crawford: When the paramedics got there, they thought SIXTY-SEVEN people had died! Me and Laura went ice skating together. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk. Where do I sign? Jaleel White had a very busy handful of years in the '90s. The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg. Harriette Winslow: What a miserable evening. Originally slated to have been a one-time only character on the show, he soon became its most popular character and gradually became its protagonist.. Steve is the epitome of a geek/nerd, with large, thick eyeglasses, flood . Steve Urkel: Oh, nothing. [music abruptly stops] Look at yourselves. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Then how 'bout a nice juicy thigh? It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Wa chee! Look, I love you with all my heart, but just because you don't love me back doesn't give you the right to treat me like dirt! Everywhere you look, TV, movies, magazines, all these 90 pound people, smiling, dancing where do they get the strength? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Waldo come to the Witness Stand. Steve Urkel: No state your name not name your state. Laura: Yeah. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! Steve Urkel: Oh, I see. I have feelings. urkel-steve. Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. This semester we're Steven, you'd better get going. Rachel Crawford: Steve, did it ever occur to you that when the door is closed we're trying to keep unwanted people out? Rachel Crawford: Maybe you could come back when your voice has changed. So to see if he can find the best, Steve challenged a few men to put their usuals to the test!SUBSCRIBE to get t. Steve Urkel: It wasn't that play that cost you the championship. Come here, let me give you some sugar. And then there was the time we went camping and we were in dyer need of a generator and we just plugged the toaster into Uncle Elijah and the Pop Tarts were flying. "No mo giet itsu mana! Laura, please. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Uh, uh isn't this the Zorro audition? Some of our pickup lines are just for laughs. I can turn you down without destroying your ego. Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! "I'm Asian, so I'll eat your cat." 2. If you cut me, do I not cough? You're setting a bad example for the kids. Steve looks at Laura], [At The Winslow home in the alternate world]. You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! [picks up a single serving container of gross looking food in the cafeteria]. Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends. Rachel Crawford: Steve, are you sure you're okay? Steve Urkel: To keep the camera on him and forget all the other meatheads. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. You are such a sweetheart. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I mean every word, sweetheart. Steve Urkel: Oh, Gosh golly, Jeepers Creepers. Carl: You know, the only thing worse than not catching any fish is hearing you sing about it. One minute, "Moo!" Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. It's always tomorrow with that boy! Carl Otis Winslow: Tomorrow. He doesn't have the advantages to see how good the cops are like our kids have. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'd better lock it then! Laura Lee Winslow: If you have to ask, pass. He held operations in Chicago. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. Carl: Uh-oh. Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Carl Otis Winslow: Hello. Steve Urkel: I can't believe this! Eddie borrowed money from me. I didn't expect you to be in there and I feel like such a worm. Because check this out buddy, you're alone. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, there is a child outside digging up your azaleas. You should've seen the look on his face when he saw five officers surrounded my car and said Surprise! Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. Laura Lee Winslow: First you better sprout a chest. [faints]. Steve Urkel: Uh, Eddie, is this a bad time? I'll teach that. And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the posterchild for useless people, how to do things for herself. Our limo awaits. Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. Maxine Johnson: Was there a line to get your pictures taken when you guys walked in? It's not fair. Carl: I sure hope so because I'm wearing his underwear. Having aired 215 episodes, Family Matters is ranked third, behind only Tyler Perry's House of Payne (254), and The Jeffersons (253). Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. The next minute rump roast! Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old. Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Steve Urkel: My uncle, Elijah Urkel, has been struck by lightning four times. I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. He created a machine that could cause items to grow in size. Just you and me. [sees the kids] Oh my Lord! I can see my dad! Waldo: Laura, I know I'm just wasting my time, but would you like to kinda, maybe go out with me, sorta, tomorrow night, maybe? Steve Urkel: I've never tried out for athletics before and the equipment list says that every guy should wear a cup. [Comes out and fights Willie as the students cheer for a fight between Urkel and Fuffner], [Waldo and Wille has just gotten out of class to trash Urkel's locker]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Steve as Stefan] Steve? Steve Urkel: Well, Laura, do you realize what you're asking? Empty the cash register! Can you help me out? Topics Nerd. Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character.