In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. And a few months later Im having his baby. Dont leave the marriage for another person, though. I do agree with all of the ideas youve presented in your post. He gives me something my.husband doesnt. Recently I had another man contacted through social media that I used to date at a couple times throughout my life before my husband. I also feel like I would be living a lie if I continued to stay with my wife knowing that Im still in love with the mother of my kids and deep down inside I really want to be with the mother of my kids but It would crush my wife if I told her .. thats where Im having a problem at cause Id rather just leave my marriage and everything behind and start over not just to be with the mother of my kids but a new start for me. Your relationship was rocked by infidelity, but you put in the work to, Is your man dragging his feet when it comes to popping the question? We never broke. Nobody writes about what to do, if your PARTNER falls in love. You can help this process by setting some boundaries with the other man or woman. I both want it and dont want it. Today as I went home, even if I'm with my friends, I feel so alone. The things he speaks to me about and the way that he treats me, even from so far, has made me feel like he is the one I should be with. I have just stuck it out for the kids. Thank you so much for your advice. Im feeling like a train wreck. I ended up marrying someone else, and it was after this that we actually became close friends. Its easy to say CUT them OFF but its actually very tough to do if they are all you can think about for the moment. Everything would be perfect if one, or both of you, wasn't MARRIED. During that time, we have each had some feelings for each other at some time or another, but neither of us really mentioned it. This is precisely why it is so important to be honest with yourself and figure out what you truly want, and what you are willing to work for. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions and define a custom action plan for you. I am so lost I just want to disappear. I hate being in this place emotionally. Our minds are just so clouded with What ifs, questions, and fears, that we wind up feeling blind and confused. She knows all that, we talk about it all, since she told me. So when Im feeling bad I often feel alone, I cant really talk about it with him. You are the only one who can make the right decision for yourself, but please dont hesitate to reach out if you would like some exercises in clarifying what your heart truly wants. Constant back and forth. She still contacts him. We have actually created a program that is designed to help people decide whether they want to keep trying to salvage a marriage or move on, and it offers tips and tools to go through with your decision with ease and peace of mind. We have been married for 16 years and have 2 kids. Some people do not believe you can truly and fully love more than one person at a time. One in a very unhappy marriage and the other in a stale marriage but they still communicate. Hello, first I would thank you for your advices, the article is very interesting! I dont want to hurt him and Im very scared I will be unhappy with the choice I made. He has been back and forth with this girl for 3 months now. He doesnt travel much anymore and Im home with him and the kids and I am seeing that I dont like who Im married to. Going through the same dilemma . My best college friend passed away tragically and I passed the information on to the third member of our close group who I have not been in touch with for 50 years. Hi from Germany. He also has not been home to see the kids in 6 months. |. Even in a relationship with someone who does not expect monogamy, loving someone else may bring . I feel like if i leave my husband Im using his past as an excuse but I feel that no one should have gone through what I have and to this day I have no idea if he is just hiding that he is going out on me again. I think even if he started treated me right, Id still want my bestie, because it feels like hes the other half of me. My therapist suggested couples therapy but he doesnt want that. real relationship with two people at the same time. I have very low self esteem. One of my most recent coaching sessions inspired me to write this article for you today. Im emotionally and physically attracted to.him and I work closely with him every day. Hes loyal, caring, kind and hard working but I dont know if hes capable of loving me the way I want to be loved. Even though I know thats wrong to feel crushed. We talk as just friends with no strings attached not until last week when i saw him for the first time after 4yrs. If you're committed to making your marriage work, keeps asking, What is it going to take to be this fully expressed and alive me IN my marriage?. To download it, you can click here. What if you choose to cut ties with the person you fell in love with and return to your spouse could you repair the damage? She has a strong bond and relationship with my mom where as my wife doesnt but my mom likes her though. Im just missing a connection, long talks, deep conversations, good sex, talking about problems, etc. I love your concept on working on your marriage, but want out. I tried to find reasons to meet this man again and again and I did found but I became totally dependent on him to be happy. Wishing you the best! Now Im left with a decision of leaving my 20 year marriage knowing Im not in love with my husband or trying to sort it out but a bit pessimistic about it working. And I keep thinking about the other person. but I have different concept. Truth be told, when you are focused on short-term consequences, you often wind up making decisions that might not be the best for you. Once things got extremely out of hand he decided he didnt want anything to do with me or our child. No one else would put up with me like he does. Its helpful to remember that emotions themselves and neither good nor bad. But we are here to help you from A to Z, so lets get started! My situation is Ive been married for 3 years and been with my spouse for 12 years now. I dont let him touch me. I understand this can be difficult and painful, but through time each of you will heal. Hello gow are you doing? My daughter is still living at home with him although hes not her biological dsuvyqe and hes helping us financially, if I have a problem with my vehicle he tells me what I may need to do. That said, if you truly want this marriage to survive and you think, I am in love with you or I truly want to fall back in love with you when you look at your spouse, then I want you to know that there are plenty of things that you can do to restore the bond between you. I think I let this other relationship evolve in the beginning just to discover what I want and if I could have it. I do not want him to be in a fix because of my immaturity of realizing my feelings so late. root issue(s) is/are, what youre willing to do about it, what your husband is willing to do When you arein love with another manor woman who is not your spouse, is important to look at how this happened. Though new love is always so tempting. I know this will affect my children, family and friends but everyday I think about the other girl. The key tosaving a marriageafter something like this happens, is to pinpoint where exactly the disconnect came from. Its also important to note that if something deeper than friendship is brewing between you and your friend and you want to save your marriage, you will need to put space between you. So the very first thing we need to do it is to dissect the situation. and now my life is in fix. This means that it needs to be nurtured in order to be kept alive. I highly encourage you to spend as much time with your parents and surround yourself with people that love and support you as you begin to exit this relationship. You still feel a form of love and attachment to your spouse (otherwise you might not be reading this article right now), but at the same time you are drawn to this new person. You can start to feel neglected or unfulfilled by your relationship, so you begin to look elsewhere. When to get a divorce: An experts answer! I feel depressed, alone and stuck like a prisoner in this marriage. The good news here is that they can be changed. clarity in regards to the situation with your colleague. You have to TRY to save your marriage because trust me, it is not going to be saved by accident. No spam, notifications only about news, events and updates. He is single and young and i am willing to give him up because he doesnt deserve someone like me, a married woman. But my roomate made me feel loved, wanted and needed in less time than the 5 years of being with my husband. It may be hard for you to know that you're in this situation when you're married, but in love with someone else. I dont think I love my ex boyfriend but I do desire him more than my husband, I was once in love with him and I thought he was the love of my life. This period is temporary! However, things got rather intense once you fell in love with someone other than your spouse. Sure, we all have our own characteristics and personalities, but we are influenced by them; not controlled by them. My situation goes like this. I have been a good mother, daughter, sister, grandmother Always thinking of whats best for everyone in the family but myself. I have worked with people in both situations. I had a long talk with the mother of my kids and we settled out our differences and we talked about whether we were still in love with eachother after 20years of being apart and come to find out we both are. 2. Whether you choose your husband or wife, or the person youve found yourself falling for, you have to commit to them 100%. I wonder if weve left our relationship for too long and now someone else has come along that makes it all the more clear. That said, the first thing to do would Theyre smart and they can sense things. Prior to meeting my husband almost 6 years ago, I was in a very hot/cold relationship with someone for 7 years. I contacted her to tell her about all the problems that weve had in our marriage. Hi there, I encourage you to be careful with leaving one person for another. A friend introduced me to a friend that helped the situation and together we got my husband back on safe ground. 6. Someone once told me something very interesting. Been married for over 20 years and now I made an emotional connection with a guy from 25 years ago. He also wants to marry me. Pls help me on hoe best to hanle this situation, thanks so much. What do I do? That way we can ask you specific questions that will help us to determine the right plan of action. My wife is a very loving and caring woman but she is a little older than me so she is stuck her ways, and now that weve been together so long Ive been feeling like she is just to comfortable to the point where I feel like Im just there. Published by Family Friend Poems August 2008 with permission of the author. How can you transform this vision into reality? I know that there are so many emotions coursing through you right now because you have found yourselfwanting someone else while in a relationship. Ive been married for 3 years but weve been together for 9 year. Honestly, my husband is a good man. One day a guy I knew from HS messaged me about current events and made the comment my husband and I looked happy and he was happy for us, that Chad was a lucky man. In it, you will find many indicators and signs that will help you determine whether or not its time to leave this marriage. I need physical touch, words of affirmation, and my Husband is the complete opposite. Divorce is not to be taken lightly, but I know you know that because youre already on this website researching the situation so that you can make a well-informed decision. I feel as now we are acting like roommates and not husband and wife. Very torn. Husbands parents live with us and have created huge problems between us. To give you an idea, here are the 5 love languages: These are words that are used to build a person up, reassure them about your love for them, and show them how much they mean to you. Wishing you the best! Its not that he is a bad person, he is very kind, tries to make me happy in his own way, we laugh a lot because we have the same humour. You weren't looking to fall in love with some who is not single, but you did. What exactly are you receiving from this new person that you are not receiving from your husband or your wife? I am at the point where i dont wanna try anymore. There are so many questions that arisewhen you love someone else, but my goal is to help you zero in on the path that would ensure the most well-being in your life. There have been fights and tensions, and it becomes easy for someone to let go of the love that used to exist. I like to be pampered nd he doesnt have time to pamper me, we dont go out for clubbing and thats one of the activities i like to do for fun, he doesnt allow me to put on the kind of clothes i like, we actually do not agree in so many things i feel like he tried so much to change who i am in the past nd that makes me to kinda hide my true personality from him. " She Walks in Beauty " by George Gordon Byron. John, I would like if we could talk because it sounds like I am in your wifes situation. Thinking of you made me feel so blue, for you love her, and I'm in love with you. I have been married for 17 year and my wife is a lovely lady. I have been married for almost 7 years now and I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. Or will she regret it? I am attractive, play music, cook, well educated, romantic, never forget important days, and love her family, too. If youre not happy with your spouse and you tried everything to make it work, then who are you fooling? 3. So that is why it is important to think about the long-term consequences, or in other words, what happens later on down the road. I would encourage you to spice things up with your husband and challenge yourselves to try new things (both sexually and non-sexually). And one can say i tried. I could choose for her and end it all myself, but that is not what I want. The result is that the more exhausted you become, the harder it is to see things clearly. I am ready to change that. If you're married and in love with someone else, you might want to give yourself some time to figure out what to do. O my luve's like a red, red rose . I cant stop loving this man. He pays you unexpected compliments. I always told myself it isnt him even though I was falling for him during my high school and college time. My husband and I have been married 17 years and I feel that I dont deserve him. Of course, this makes it very hard to make a decision especially when we are focusing on the now. There are many chances you got your lover back sooner or later. In this situation, youre going to need to focus on the positives in your relationship. From that point on, you take your distance and focus on your relationship. Identifying what brought distance into your marriage is going to give you a clear road map as to how to fix this, if that is what you truly want. On one hand, you have the history and the relationship that youve poured your time and energy into with your husband or wife, and on the other hand, do you have this new person making you feel alive again. I cheat on my husband and became pregnant. I have also worked with people who made a choice only to regret it bitterly a few years down the line. Through talking to him Ive come to realize that Ive been hiding all the problems Ive had with my husband. Hello am married but fallen for another man he has been my friend ifeel too much love for him also feel love for my husband whom we have spent three years with him and I love him.i have tried to let it go but it hurts .what can I do the feeling are too high for me to handle. And this guy asked if i still love the hubby. In addition to that Ive recently been seeing someone who I feel understands me so much better. Please help me. Now I find my self in love with him but cant let my husband go. Off limits, he says, requiring me to keep strictly proffesioal level talk or it will be all over. The solution at this juncture is to think about what you need in order to be truly happy: Your current marriage or being free of it? And it made me feel worse because I felt that I did the same infidelity that my spouse did to me about 7years ago. Hi, Thank you for this article. Elizabeth Banks stars in Walk of Shame, a 2014 romantic comedy about a woman who has to maneuver her way across the city to an interview for her dream . Theyre just our psychological responses to the events that are taking place around us. Yet I cant divorce my husband due to social stigma and potential effect on the children for not being with their biological dad. Keep your friendship with your lover because friendship is long lasting than any love. Its true love grows and love fades so its we to try to keep it growing . I know that it is a very tough spot to be in, but it seems that you already know what you want to do. In many cases, people have already checked out of their marriages and if this is you, it is very important that you recognize this. Husband checked out emotionally, we live like room mates, sleep in the same room but no intimacy. To work with us, just click here! We can, however, ask you targetted questions and give you tools that will give you clarity. The thing is, I dont talk to others about the issues I have with him.